becoming masculine Archives

Mindset Matters: Learning to Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It

Most people don’t even realize they’re bleeding out from the inside. They walk through life with a quiet soundtrack of self-hatred, self-doubt, and shame running on repeat in their heads. That inner war weakens you more than any outside enemy ever could. The insults you throw at yourself in silence—I’m not enough. I’m worthless. I’ll never get it right—those cut deeper than anything a critic, boss, or ex could say.

Here’s the truth: if you want to conquer anything in this life, you have to stop waging war on yourself. Your mind is your most powerful weapon, but if you’re pointing it inward, you’re the one pulling the trigger.

The Mindset Shift: From Self-Hatred to Unconditional Love

This isn’t about standing in front of a mirror chanting cheesy affirmations until you believe them. This is about going to war with the lies you’ve believed for years and reclaiming your damn soul.

You must adopt a mindset of unconditional love toward yourself. That doesn’t mean pretending you’re perfect or excusing your failures. It means accepting the darkest, ugliest, most wounded parts of yourself—and refusing to abandon them.

Every demon you’ve buried—trauma, regret, shame—waits underground like unexploded landmines. You can’t outrun them. You can’t numb them forever. They will own you until you drag them out, stare them in the face, and learn to love the broken parts of yourself like they’re your blood.

The Tools: Meditation, Reflection, and Deep Inner Work

This is where mindset becomes practice.

Meditation: Sit your ass down in silence. Let the thoughts come. Don’t fight them. Watch them, meet them, and stop running from them. Meditation isn’t about peace—it’s about courage. The courage to face what’s inside.
Self-Reflection: Journaling, prayer, or even hard conversations with yourself. Ask: Why do I hate this part of me? What is it trying to teach me? Don’t censor. Don’t sugarcoat. Get ugly on the page if you have to.
Healing Modalities: Breathwork. Cold plunges. Therapy. Men’s groups. Whatever cracks your armor and forces you to feel again. Healing isn’t weakness—it’s the most savage act of strength you’ll ever perform.

Why This Matters

Because if you don’t love yourself, every relationship, every goal, every victory will be poisoned. You’ll sabotage it, you’ll doubt it, you’ll feel unworthy of it. You’ll keep hustling for external validation, thinking if I win this, if she loves me, if I make that money—I’ll finally be enough.

But you’ll never be free until you realize you’re already enough. Not because you’re flawless. But because you’re human—and you refuse to abandon yourself.

Reflection & Challenge

Where in your life do you speak to yourself with venom you’d never unleash on a friend?
What demons have you buried that still whisper in the dark?
Sit in meditation this week for 10 minutes a day. When the self-hatred surfaces, don’t fight it. Breathe into it. Name it. Then tell it: You are mine. I will not abandon you.

Stop running. Stop bleeding. Go inside, meet your demons, and love the hell out of yourself. That’s the only way forward.

MindsetMatters #SelfLoveJourney #UnconditionalLove #InnerHealing #BreakFreeFromDoubt #RadicalSelfLove #MentalToughness #FaceYourDemons #MindsetShift #SelfHealing

Ben Dodge, J.D.
Adventurer, Author, Entrepreneur, Extreme Endurance Athlete, Lawyer

Sacred Masculinity & Emotional Mastery

The modern man is starving. Not for sex. Not for money. Not even for adventure. He’s starving for depth. For stillness. For the kind of masculine presence that doesn’t shake in the storm but becomes the anchor inside of it.

That’s why sacred masculinity is trending right now. Because men are waking up to the truth: being masculine doesn’t mean shutting down your emotions. It means mastering them. Power isn’t found in being numb—it’s found in being unshakable.

Masculinity Is Not Emotional Suppression

Somewhere along the way, men got sold a weak-ass version of masculinity. Be tough, don’t cry, bury your feelings, just keep moving. But here’s the savage truth: that’s not strength. That’s emotional avoidance. And avoidance always leaks—into your relationships, into your work, into your addictions.

Sacred masculinity is different. It says: Feel it all. Face it all. Master it all. A man doesn’t become stronger by denying his emotions—he becomes stronger by harnessing them. Anger becomes focus. Pain becomes fuel. Fear becomes awareness.

That’s emotional mastery: turning your inner chaos into power.

Stillness Is Power

The masculine is not frantic. The masculine is not reactive. The masculine is still. A mountain doesn’t chase the wind. The ocean doesn’t apologize for its waves. A man who embodies sacred masculinity becomes the same: steady, grounded, unshakable.

This is why practices like breathwork, meditation, cold plunges, and shadow work are exploding right now. Because they train men in the art of stillness under fire. You sit with your breath, even when your chest screams. You sit in freezing water, even when your body begs to escape. You face the parts of yourself you hate, and instead of running, you hold the line.

That’s not weakness. That’s warrior-level strength.

The Provocation: Are You Hiding From Yourself?

Here’s the uncomfortable question: do you avoid your emotions because you think that’s what makes you a man? Or are you willing to face them, feel them, and master them?

The man who hides behind numbness is not strong. He’s terrified. The man who embraces the full spectrum of human experience—rage, grief, ecstasy, love—and stands steady in the middle of it all… that’s the man women crave, children look up to, and other men respect.

Sacred Masculinity in Practice

Breathwork teaches you to regulate your nervous system when life punches you in the gut.
Cold plunges remind you that discomfort won’t kill you—it forges you.
Meditation grounds you so you stop being a puppet yanked around by every impulse.
Shadow work forces you to look at the darkness you’ve denied—and integrate it into raw, usable power.

This is sacred masculinity: not passive, not weak, not neutered. But a calm, grounded, spiritually awake strength that the world desperately needs right now.

Final Word

Sacred masculinity is not about becoming softer. It’s about becoming deeper. It’s about mastery, presence, and power rooted in calm stillness.

If you’re a man reading this—stop running. Stop numbing. Stop hiding. Start training your emotions like you train your body. Forge your soul through fire, ice, silence, and shadow.

Because the truth is simple: the man who has mastered his emotions cannot be broken by the world.

Ben Dodge, J.D.
Adventurer, Author, Entrepreneur, Extreme Endurance Athlete, Lawyer

The Strength of Holding Space: Why a Man Must Love a Woman’s Wildness

Men- let your woman be free and wild. Hold that space for her.

A truly masculine man understands something most modern men have forgotten: a woman is not meant to be tamed, controlled, or boxed into predictable behavior. She is meant to be free. Free to feel, to express, to swing from fierce fire to tender softness without censorship. Free to cry without being judged. Free to snap without being resented. Free to unleash her sensuality without being shamed.

And here’s the truth: if you want to experience the raw, divine power of a woman, you have to be strong enough to hold that space without collapsing.

Most men take everything personally. She raises her voice, he gets defensive. She withdraws into emotion, he panics or tries to “fix” it. She expresses her sexuality fully, he gets insecure. Weak men make her feelings about themselves. Strong men know it’s not about them—it’s about her being alive, raw, and real.

David Deida, in The Way of the Superior Man, said it best:

“The most loving women are the women who will test you the most. She wants you to be your fullest, most magnificent self. … She knows in your deepest heart you are free, you are Shiva. Anything less than that she will torment.”

Holding space isn’t passive. It’s one of the most savage acts of masculine leadership. It means you are steady when she storms, grounded when she rages, unshaken when she weeps, and strong enough to love the fuck out of her through every single expression of her wild soul.

This doesn’t mean being her emotional punching bag. It means standing as her anchor, not her adversary. It means knowing who you are so deeply that you don’t need to retreat, attack, or shut down when her emotions surge. It means choosing to see her freedom as a gift, not a threat.

Deida cuts deeper:

“Your woman knows your weaknesses better than anybody. … Her gift, if she is a good woman, is to test you with her darkest moods, … until … you are able to pervade her with your love.”

Those storms are not personal attacks—they are invitations. A woman’s wildness is her way of demanding your strength. If you collapse, she loses trust. If you rise, she surrenders even deeper.

The way you show up in her storms should mirror the way you show up in life. I love this image because it captures the essence of feminine energy– wild and free, circling all about like a storm. Yet the man is standing there strong enough to hold it all and immovable.

“The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.” —David Deida

Be her anchor, not her adversary. Meet her wildness with unwavering presence.

And when her moods feel unpredictable, remember:

“Every moment of your life is either a test or a celebration.” —David Deida

Her tears, rage, desire—they’re not problems. They’re moments. They’re part of the sacred dance between masculine and feminine.

A woman in her fullness is not tame. She’s not predictable. She’s not always convenient.

“A happy woman is a woman relaxed in her body and heart: powerful, unpredictable, deep, potentially wild and destructive … but always full of life.” —David Deida

Don’t try to cage the ocean. Don’t resent the storm. Hold the banks, hold the space—that’s where the life lives.

Kim Anami, known for unleashing the divine feminine, captures this raw truth:

“When I’m approaching the edge of orgasm … I have to let myself be broken. I have to allow myself to be shattered into a thousand tiny pieces … And be reborn.”

That’s the feminine. Breaking open. Shattering. Collapsing into feeling. And your role, as a man, is not to stop it, not to fear it—but to create the container where she feels safe to go there.

Because at the core, her wildness is sacred. Her energy is holy.

“Your sexual energy is your life force. Own it. Amplify it. Live it.” —Kim Anami

When you stop resisting her storms, you stop resisting life itself.

So, brother, the next time your woman is crying, raging, laughing, or dripping with desire—don’t shrink. Don’t flinch. Don’t make it about you. Hold the space. Stand strong. Love her harder. That’s the test of your masculinity.

Because here’s the bottom line: a woman who feels free to be fully expressed will worship the man who can hold her without fear. If you can’t handle her wildness, you’ll never taste the depths of her love.

Call to Action:
If you’re a man reading this, ask yourself: Do you create the container for your woman’s freedom, or do you secretly resent it? Do you collapse when she tests you, or do you rise taller? Your ability to hold space determines not just the depth of her love—but the depth of your own masculinity.

Ben Dodge, J.D.
Adventurer, Author, Entrepreneur, Extreme Endurance Athlete

Why Men Choose to Be Beta Males—and How They Slowly Drift Into It

Most men don’t wake up one morning and declare: “I think I’ll be a weak, spineless, approval-seeking beta male today.”

No. The descent into beta is slow. Subtle. It happens in the background of life while men convince themselves they’re “being nice,” “keeping the peace,” or “doing the right thing.” But beneath the justifications lies a brutal truth: men choose to become beta males.

Not by an explicit decision—but by a thousand micro-decisions where they opt for comfort over courage, safety over risk, and validation over authenticity.

The Death by a Thousand Cuts

Beta males aren’t born; they’re made. Slowly. Painfully. And it usually starts with small compromises:

They stop standing up for themselves. In school, in the workplace, or in relationships, they take the path of least resistance.
They chase approval. Every action is filtered through “Will people like me?” instead of “Is this aligned with my values?”
They confuse compliance with strength. They’re told by society that to be a “good man” means to be agreeable, tolerant, and endlessly accommodating.

Each compromise doesn’t feel like much in the moment. But string together a decade of bowing to comfort and suddenly you’re the guy who’s lost his edge, his fire, his masculine core.

The Cultural Conditioning Trap

The modern world rewards beta behavior. Schools, workplaces, even families condition boys into obedience rather than boldness. Parents say, “Don’t fight.” Teachers say, “Sit down, be quiet.” HR says, “Don’t offend.” The system doesn’t want warriors. It wants compliant workers.

So men absorb the script:

Be safe.
Don’t make waves.
Keep your head down.
Don’t express raw masculinity—it’s “toxic.”

Over time, this cultural programming eats away at a man’s natural instincts to lead, fight, and protect.

The Seduction of Comfort

Let’s be real: being a beta male is easy.

You don’t risk rejection because you never lead.
You don’t risk failure because you never push.
You don’t risk conflict because you never stand up.

Comfort seduces. But comfort kills. It numbs men into quiet submission until they’ve become hollow shells of who they could be.

The Fear Factor

Beta males live in fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of confrontation. Fear of not being liked. Fear of taking risks.

And here’s the kicker: fear is normal. But instead of facing it, most men hide behind it. They justify their cowardice with noble-sounding excuses:

“I don’t want to rock the boat.”
“Happy wife, happy life.”
“I’m just trying to be respectful.”

Respect is earned through strength, not appeasement. Love is cultivated through presence, not submission. A man who hides in fear forfeits his masculine essence—and drifts deeper into beta territory.

The Feminization of Masculinity

One of the harshest realities is that many men never even see a model of strong, mature masculinity. They grow up with absent fathers, broken families, or cultural messaging that tells them to suppress their masculine instincts.

So they adapt: they lean into softness, passivity, and “niceness.” They become what society rewards—obedient, compliant, non-threatening. But deep down, they feel the emptiness. They know they’ve traded power for approval.

The Choice That Isn’t a Choice

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: men choose to be beta. Not once. But every single day.

They choose:

To silence themselves instead of speaking truth.
To avoid discomfort instead of chasing growth.
To please instead of lead.

Beta is not a permanent sentence. It’s a series of choices—and it can be reversed by making different ones. But the first step is brutal self-honesty: admitting where you’ve drifted, where you’ve sold out, and where you’ve abandoned your masculine edge.

Final Word

Men don’t “fall” into beta male status by accident. They drift there one compromise at a time. They trade fire for comfort, courage for fear, authenticity for approval.

If you see yourself in this descent, you’ve got a decision to make:
Stay safe, soft, and slowly eroded into irrelevance…
Or burn the excuses, reclaim your fire, and choose the harder path of masculine strength.

Because no one drifts into becoming an alpha. You fight for it. You bleed for it. You rise for it.

Ben Dodge, J.D.
Adventurer, Author, Entrepreneur, Extreme Endurance Athlete